I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
