I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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