did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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