you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
