if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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