Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
