He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
