Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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