Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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