So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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