So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
