I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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