I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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