so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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