I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
