And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
