in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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