and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
