no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
