Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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