Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
