That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
