Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
