the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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