I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
