you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
