Say something about gay babies.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
