i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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