Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it glows. i had to have it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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