she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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