you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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