Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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