My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
