In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
well you can't waste a boner
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
