Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
