Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
