my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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