Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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