Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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