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Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
