people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
