Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
