You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
