if only i could text you this smell
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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