Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
