My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
