some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
