the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
