how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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