so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
