i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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