i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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